Its something I used to ask myself so many times a day - since 2011, when my dreams came true and I haven't had to have to question myself so much.
Today I'm going to share with you the story of me, mine and how Creations by a Butterfly came to life... right from the beginning!
This memory is there and where I can first remember creativity, my 4th Birthday - Its one of the few that are clear as day. My Aunt and Uncle brought me a colouring book with pens... proper felt tip pens - I had never been allowed them before!!
I spent hours laying on the floor, while my little sister was in the pram in the lounge (this is 1990!! im giving away my age now!).... I coloured my first ever colouring page within the book all within the lines... I was so proud of myself. I jumped up from the floor to show my Nan, she was tending to my sister at the time.... with my shoulders back and arms swinging from side to side I placed the very first page of the colouring book on the pram, then my little sister promptly threw up on it - completely breaking my heart!!! I didnt want to show I how up-set I was, after all I was a big sister and it wasnt done on purpose... or at least I hope it wasnt!!
Lets take it to Easter 1991... My first day at school, I was just over 4 and a half years old. I don't remember anything from then! However there is one very special person I do remember and still cherish - my very first teacher Mrs. Horner - to this day my family are still in touch with her, we send Christmas cards every year along with the traditional year run down letter to say how were all doing, whats changed and whats to come. Its thanks to Mrs. Horner I have my name for my business.
So the story starts (this is all from what I have been told!).... the end of the school day and Mrs. Horner is in the playground watching each child run to their parent/carer - when it comes to me, she calls my mum over (being a mother myself now, I can only imagine how my mum felt - that moment when the teacher summons you - your stomach sinks like you have done something wrong!) However mum had been summoned for a good reason - Mrs. Horner's first words to my mum were 'she is a butterfly', she explained how I didn't settle with just one activity, in her words I 'fluttered' between all I could... and I still do to this day!
Primary school is a blur, I recall year 1 our class rooms were in a long outbuilding to one side of the playground - at times it was rather chilly... I remember the pegs in the hallway that all had your name on them preserved in plastic and stuch above your peg with bule tac ... the bottom hook for your P.E kit and the top hook for your bag and coat - I remember having one of the lower hooks and still feeling it was too high for little old me!!! then I do remember my teacher Mrs. Butler...Anyone else hearing the poem in the back of their mind? 'Please Mrs Butler' - yes I was always asking questions, asking for help, complaing about someone or reciting the poem... well Mrs. Butler did make a point of us knowing the poem!!!
Year 3 I dont remember much, other than having a test, I looked at it, did what I thought was right and handed it in within 20 minuets of the test starting... only to score 0.... Oh well - maths has never been a strong point of mine!!
When it came to moving to middle school I had a couple of options, I chose to stay at the school within walking distance - this didnt help my mum who worked in the neighbouring village!! And so I moved to the local middle school. My friends remained the same, we were all interested in the same thinsg - music, music and music!!! Between the interests I had all the typical childhood 'dreams' - the big white wedding with a horse and carriage, being a famous singer, being an actress and many more dreams that on many occasions I was assured I would never be... but, there was always one that meant more than the most.... Being Creative - but this was something I never thought I could be.
Middle school helped me grow. I leant a lot and had so many opportunities to express being me - I learnt to play the flute, had singing lessons with an amazing teacher, acted in school plays, dancing with my best friends in talent shows to 'Spice Girls' songs (yes I still know the actions!), Police week, lots of art work, drawing, painting and other mediums - My greatest achievement from middle school has to be learning so much about the Titanic independently I was asked to create a display in the main hall and hold an assembly all about the Titanic - and I still remember a lot of it!
Some of you may remember when schools made a change, 'back in the day' you were in 'middle school' until the end of year 7 you were aged between 11 and 12 years, however they changed it when I was a Year 7 - I am honoured to say I was the last group of year 7 at 'middle school'!!
Throughout secondary school, core subjects completely baffled me... I don't know why, in primary school I did OK, however secondary I struggled to understand everything that was said to me! It was almost like someone washed my brain over the summer holidays that year! I did my best through the years, but mostly loved art, drama and music - anything that had no hard and fast rule!!!
When it came to choosing my options for GCSE I really wanted to take Drama, Art and Music.... however I had to make a choice and add some 'sensible options' in and so I took my core subjects along with Geography, Drama and Business Studies. The years over my GCSE's were challenging for varying reasons - to this day there is a huge shaddow that hangs there when I think about those final fewyears at school.
Early 2001 we lost my Nan, I went home to her after school every night, sitting on the arm of her char on a winters day warming my hands on the radiator (yes I know its bad for you!!).... she lived with us all my life to this point, she was my go to for help with life troubles, however homework was down to me!! So there were many adjustments for us all to make - there was a huge hole for all of us.
As 2001 went on there were many up's and downs for us as a family. I sat my GCSE's and did the best I could considering everything that was going on at home. I came out with lower grades than were anticipated, however with everything going on at home at least I sat the exams and had the results. I was still very undecided as to what I wanted to do when I left school and so I chose to stay on for a further year - I did the best I could but a classroom was not for me.
From late 2002 I signed myself on with work agencies to get myself a job, there was a lot of temping work around at the time so I gained a lot of experience within various areas of office work, but this never made me truly happy there was a burning inside of me that wasnt being fueled!
Early 2004, 7 months before my 18th birthday my life took an amazing turn. The usual after work drinks at the local pub (that is no longer standing) with a friend, I met the man I now call my Husband. At 17 I never thought it would be 'long term' however we have been through a lot, and we are still standing strong.
In 2005 we moved in together, we had a lovely 1 bed home, close to both our parents. Our home was cosy and perfect for us as a couple. We had a lovely holiday in 2006 and he popped the question - of course I said yes and couldn't wait to start planning a wedding - I had this idea in my head that I wanted to be married on the 28th June, the day he first asked me out!! Then another bump in the road, I had some health issues, this meant I couldn't work not only as I felt so ill, but waiting for tests. In the middle of 2006, the doctors told me I had endometriosis - and the chances of me having children were very slim. This broke both our hearts as we wanted nothing more than a family of our own.
After a few weeks of getting my head around the news, I started looking for another job, I was very fortunate and landed a lovely little office job not too far from home. I passed my driving test in October, this gave me a bit more freedom to visit friends and family on my own while Mr B was at work. We went out the weekend after passing my driving test and purchased my first car, a little 3 door Vauxhall Corsa, in silver - I called her RK!! I remember not feeling great that day in the showroom, sort of drunk all day, I thought it was just the excitement - the next day I got up early and took Mr B to work so I could have the car for the day to take my sister shopping.... I really didnt feel well at all, so I popped home after dropping him off, for some reason something made me look in the cupboard and there was a pregnancy test - then round and round in my head I had the Dr's voice saying the chances are very slim.... But I decided it was stupid to just throw it in the bin.... there were two lines... I thought to myself, nah it cant be right, its an old test.
While shopping with my sister I brought another pregnancy test as i couldn't stop thinking maybe the test was right, as I picked the test up my sister said to me 'why'? I said they were for a friend, she was aware of what I had been through - and if I had said they were for me she would have laughed at me. We went back to my house after shopping and I ran upstairs as fast as I could.... I paced in the bathroom waiting for the result, I really don't know how I was feeling in that moment, I think I was mostly confused - talking myself in and out of the idea of having a baby..... then I looked - there was a big pink +.... How I didn't pass out I don't know.....
I had to drop my sister home and drive 30 miles to pick Mr B up from work, every radio station was playing the goo goo dolls 'Iris'.... and the words in that started spinning in my head. I must have been sheet white when I pulled up in the car park, one of Mr. B's collages came over and shouted 'Oh I think she has pranged the car' - the car was Marks pride and joy..... In my head I wanted to scream, I said 'if only it was that simple. Mr. B got in the car, I told him to look in the bag at his feet.... he took one look and walked away - he was more shocked than I was.
We left his place of work and went and sat in a McDonalds car park down the road from his work discussing what was going on, well not that there was much to discuss as we both wanted children and we felt blessed that we had been given this chance so far, it was more the fact I have just started a new job, brought a 3 door car and we had a one bed house!
The first few months of my pregnancy were tough, I suffered with a lot of ear infections, sinus infections as well as feeling generally rubbish, in the January my probation period at my job was up and they let me go, I had been signed off from work a lot with the issues I was having so it was completely understandable. And so I went back to being home 24/7.... This is when my creativity started to come back.
As the months passed, I grew bigger and so to pass the time I decided to make birth announcements for the arrival of our first bundle...